Tendril > Clara #1

(Can’t read the handwriting? Click continue reading for the typed version.)

Dear Clara,

Your mom is a terrible driver. I saw her run three stop signs this morning. Honks. Remember hearing any? I always know it’s you in there, even though everyone (and their mother) drives a crappy Honda Civic. That’s my girl, I think. Quietly passengering. Surviving. Proud papa bear. I ate an entire box of pop-tarts on the way to school this morning. Smores. I was still pretty stoked on that bagel you gave me in Health. Ate if halfway through that herpes video. Chocolate chips. My stomach fears nothing. I don’t think you’re ready for any real music recommendations from me, unless this rings a bell:

No language, just sound

That’s all we need to know

I really like weird stuff I know you’d hate. But I’ll try and find something that might impress you. Just don’t let your rock star boyfriend beat me up just because you asked me for a mix CD. I don’t do mix CDs anyway. If you want me to recommend music, you’re going to have to suck it up and listen to full albums. Use your brain. Like what you like.

I spent all Saturday working. I didn’t know you called. After work, I just went home and watched movies. One was about these guys at a car wash. It was called Car Wash. It had this amazing scene where Richard Pryor practically pimps out the Pointer Sisters for some cult religious thing. You’d probably hate that, too. By the way, I will never watch that horrible excuse for a favorite movie of yours. There are two kinds of dudes in this world. Those who recognize girly shit and steer clear, knowing it sucks, and the desperate fools who will sit through Empire Records. Don’t you have like 10 best friends? Giggle with one of them about it. If you want my input: it’s worse than the horse crap that horses step in while taking a new horse crap.

I bet that just made you really mad. You’re so cute when you’re mad.

You’re lucky there’s no one worth talking to in Biology or I wouldn’t even be writing this. I’m secure enough in my masculinity to be all right with it, though. I’ll even sign it with a heart.

Tendril

Hey, when you put <3, do you really mean it? Because I do.

Read the next note, from Eli

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6 responses to “Tendril > Clara #1

  1. Does Tendril love Clara??

  2. Oh man, I only wish I could have written a note like this in high school. I had all the right elements: entire box of PopTarts, check. The movie CarWash, check. The artfully applied use of the word “stoked”, oh jajajaja. I even had proud disdain for the girls I only wished would find me interesting, although at that point I would have seriously just appreciated getting laid. Because, you know, high school.

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